Thinking

by: L Jones

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

I asked the question, ” When is it ok to lie?” on www.blogcatalog.com  and on www.facebook.com. I was rarely given specific instances when a lie was ok; I was told many times, by the responders of that question that all lies are wrong and inexcusable.

The problem with all lies being wrong and inexcusable is that all lies are not intended to hurt or deceive.  I believe when people read that question, they automatically think of the bad lies, like the ones a president says to gain the support of a nation to invade another country; or the one a wife says when she’s pregnant and she knows it’s a 99% chance that it’s not her husband’s; or what a boyfriend would say to explain his three day hiatus. These are all examples of lies told by the liar for the benefit of the liar.

The liar does something morally, ethically, spiritually or whatever any other “ally”wrong, and wishes to hide it. In their mind, it is easier to create a host of lies to support the one lie, than it would be to just come clean. It is of the utmost importance to keep that lie hidden, no matter what. What this does is creates the Jenga effect.

The Jenga game has lots of rectangular blocks that are stacked up into one solid rectagular mound. The object is to pull the smaller rectangular blocks from inside the mound and place them as neatly as you can on the top. That’s essentially what’s being done when you lie. You pull a piece of the truth away from you and replace it with a lie. Overtime, your character becomes riddled with lies and deceit. Ever heard of the compulsive liar?

But what about passive lying? Passive lies, sometimes known as white lies or fibs can be as damaging as the active lies told by the compulsive liar. The reason is, whenever you tell a lie, you are starting a game of Jenga. In order to support that one passive lie, there’s the potential to become a passive liar.

Before you engage in telling lies, please ask yourself the four questions below. By asking these questions, one it will give you a moment to think. Lies are like tattoos, they are expensive to remove once you’ve got one. Secondly, it will give you the opportunity to think rationally.

Think about how you would feel if the same lie was told to you and you found out the truth. This is a checks and balance measure to see if the lie you are thinking about telling is hurtful or not. The only problem with this is that we all have different levels of character and moral base; what may not be hurtful to you can possibly devastate someone else.

Think about the potential impact of the lie, worse case scenario. Always think worse case scenario, because that’s usually what comes from the lie. You may in your mind justify that it’s just a fib, but what is the worse thing that can come from that fib?

Think about the future relationship between you and the person you are lying to. Read the quote at the top of this post. Once you begin lying, your relationship has been put on notice. Ultimately, they will have to decide if they still want to remain in a relationship with you, since you’ve already made the choice that you are willing to give it up.

Think about how you will feel after you’ve told the lie. There is a lot of guilt involved with lying. It can eat you up from the inside. The truth will set you free is a powerful statement. It frees you from the self imposed bondage of your lies.

So, there you have it. Here are my four things you should think about before you lie.  I hope that you will use it. I want you to know that I am not standing here holier than thou, by any means. This post is just as much for me as it is for you. I’ve lied and still lie, but my hopes are that I can imprint in my head the need for truth and honesty. The need for the eradication of lies. The need for peace of mind.